"Thought you had all the answers to rest your heart upon. But something happens, don't see it coming, now you can't stop yourself. Now you're out there swimming... In the deep."
--Bird York, "In the Deep."
I am in a much better place then I was two weeks ago. Having off for mid-winter recess gave me the opportunity to kick-back, catch some shut-eye, and contemplate my teaching methods that I've developed so far.
Good news: I'm penciling in time for lunch and coffee breaks in the afternoon! It's kinda pathetic that I have to actually, "pencil it in" on my weekly schedule but if I didn't do that I'd forget. But I'm remembering to take at least 30 minutes to an hour (often my break time hovers between 30-45 minutes daily) to sit quietly or in the company of friends and eat lunch. If I have a gap in my schedule before an afternoon class, meeting with my CT, lesson planning, grading, or meeting with study groups I make an effort to walk to my favorite coffee shop that is three blocks from the school. The crisp, chilly air awakens my spirits just as well as a dose of caffeine can and I feel invigorated and ready to tackle the afternoon's activities.
The effort the students are putting into their homework assignments has mostly increased. They are gradually falling back into school-mode; even though they wish they were graduated already. I'm giving them higher grades but I am being fair. I didn't have any students verbally attack me for "giving them" a sub-par grade.
Study groups are going ok. I'm developing a strong rapport with most of my students in the groups. I also am developing a bond with students who aren't necessarily in any of my groups. Plus, many of my students are feeling comfortable telling me things, even complaining about their Social Studies class! (I told one group incredulously, after they called a change my CT made to their assignment as, "stupid": "And who do you suppose I converse daily face-to-face and via email?"). Most of my groups complete their weekly task of outlining their notes and showing it to me in a graphic organizer or their notebooks.
But we've come to a period when the students are getting lazy and are falling back into their old, sometimes not so good habits. Today, for instance I had a total of 4 students skip out on study group without telling me! I had to play bad-cop and assign the cutters an assignment to do over the weekend; I don't like being a bitch but sometimes I feel like I need to show them that I have sharp teeth and that they should fear my bite, metaphorically speaking of course. Sometimes gathering the students who don't get along well with each other and who are not comfortable with me is challenging. It can be a headache-- they need to understand that working collaboratively is an important skill to develop early on if they are to survive in college and in future careers.
I actually taught 3 lessons this week: on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I'm feeling comfortable teaching. On Monday, I was a bundle of nerves. I forgot to take deep breaths, but my CT told me that I did a marvelous job fielding questions and handling controversial comments some students gave me. He was delighted and did not step in during my 15 minute lesson once. I was scarred witless but I'm pleased with myself that it went so well. On Tuesday I felt more confident but the lesson was not quite as effective. I lost my students halfway through and my CT had to take over. On Monday, I was so scared that I asked my students "scripted questions" and didn't get too exuberant. On Tuesday, I went off-script and that was when I got myself into trouble. My CT said that going "off script" is a major issue new teachers often make but it is understandable-- and section two is behaviorally and academically the toughest of the three sections. Wednesday was the best class though. I stayed on script, I was comfortable and confident in front of the class, and I floated around the front of the room. There was a time when I asked my students an overly specific question and I thought I lost them, but then I asked them a more general question and I pulled them in once again.
I get observed on Wednesday. I am happy I am working with Section 003 that day, they are my favorite class because they are so smart and well-behaved. I'm afraid of being observed because the guy who will be rating me is "old-school" and a bit of a traditionalist. I wish my CT was the one rating me . . . I know I will be uncomfortable but I need to direct my lesson and hook the class in. My lesson must be structured but it must be engaging. I want to prove that I have a connection with my students and that I am "ballsy" (to quote one of my students) in the sense that I am not afraid to have a controversial discussion with my students during class.
My CT is still great; he keeps telling me to relax and focus on delivering a tight, intriguing lesson. You never know how the students will respond to your questions so it is best that you always have ideas up your sleeve.
Keep your fingers crossed for me!
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